He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
