Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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