On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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