im six kinds of drunk right now
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
