So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I have demons in me.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
mondays should just be called national damage control day
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
