I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
