maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
