What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm at about main and main street
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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