Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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