He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
