I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
