yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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