so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
