if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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