Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
