I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
