I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
