Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
