In the future we'll all be gay
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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