i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize