So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
