Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
