I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
