Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
