So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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