4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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