Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize