i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You are the jesus of drinking
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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