she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize