i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
