It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
How's work?
Spinning.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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