As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
