Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
