God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
