this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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