We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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