the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
