Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Randomize
