I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize