seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
