Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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