it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
