If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Randomize
