but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
