I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
