if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
did you just send me my own nude
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
