Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
