We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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