Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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