Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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