As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
