When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
