I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
