we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
