If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
