We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
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And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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