Having a random hookup so left but love u
how do flat chested girls get laid?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
