remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
