I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
