I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
