are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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